Morning dance fans, it's been a bit of a busy old week (more of which I'll reveal later) but as my authorised autobiography "Feet of Flames" is to be reissued in the new year I thought I would post a few chapters here to titillate your Sheepsy tastebuds, so we can reminisce together about the fruitful and florid life I have led.
With an extra 5 brand new chapters and totally updated to include my breakdown and unsavoury "faked death" 3 years ago this amazing story of my extragavant career and life is a must for all lovers of ballroom, pork and Sheepsy in general. Over the next few weeks you will be able to read about my loves, highs and huge dance success, along with the losses, severe lows and misery that I have suffered in my eventful life - discover the true insight into my constant battle with the pain of losing Mater', my desperate wranglings with severe gout, and the full salacious story of the women I have truly loved.....
So make yourself comfy, settle down on an easy chair - plump up a pillow, ease into your favourite carpet slippers and fetch a nice pork platter from the fridge. Try a balsamic vinegar pickled trotter, and a few lightly pan fried pigs gizzards, maybe add a homemade scotch egg, and finish off your platter with a few crisp salad leaves and a "Corbett's prime pork nudger" a 4 oz heady intoxicating patty of prime organic sausage meat, sage, onion and pork fat fried up in some clarified buuuuuter.....Eeeeeh a fookin' beltin treat!!!!
Back to literary matters, settle down and here we go with the first excerpt, enjoy........
"Unlike some of my peers in the showbiz world I was never lucky enough to be blessed with a privileged upbringing, my parents Whitworth and Hinge' had little in the way of material posessions but my brothers and sisters rarely went without much - in part thanks to my kind mothers hardworking nature (at one point she had 4 jobs on the go - including barmaid at the 'Wounded Badger' public house, and cleaner at the local bus depot!) and my Fathers petty criminal dealings. We lived in a shabby 2 up 2 down house in the working class backstreets of Barrow and to be honest they were mostly happy carefree times, most days after school we would return home to the familiar aroma of a delicious casserole wafting through the house to find Mater' stirring a huge pot of pork offcuts, carrots, potatos and onions. That sacred image is one that remains with me still to this day, whenever I am down and in need some poignant relief I think of Mater' resplendent stood proudly over a vast pot of bubbling pork slurry and my mood is instantly lightened....
I remember one Xmas in particular, all year I had been mithering Mater and my Father for my 1st pair of proper dancing shoes, up until then I had been managing with some delapitated worn out black school galoshes which certainly hindered my Rhumba and Salsa moves, but fook me more often that not I still managed to win 75% of the contests I entered even dancing with threadbare plimsolls!
Mater' knew that I simply had to have those shoes and she slaved and slaved to make sure I would get them come Xmas day morning, even if it meant that my beloved brothers and sisters festive treat's would have to be jeopardized. She simply did everything she could to help me to fulfill my dreams. After all I was the only family member who had the talent and promise to dance myself out of the rat infested streets of Barrow in Furness and hopefully provide financial solice for Mater' and my siblings. As for my cruel violent Father Whitworth I had nothing but anger and hatred.
Xmas day came and we all hurridly scurried downstairs at 7.00am in the morning, filled with excitement and glee. Peeping our heads around the door we glimpsed a pile of gifts laid out for us under the tree, Father was still asleep sleeping off 15 pints of strong bitter from the night before so we eagerly collected our gifts and began to unwrap them with anticipation!! first up was Minton who couldn't wait and so ripped off the inky newspaper wrapping to reveal a sumptious plump orange, Minty wasn't happy and tossed the fleshy citrus fruit into the fire with a cry of 'fookin' tight bastids!' next up was young Frimley who had been given a bruised apple, followed by my older sister Florrie who also seemed slightly dissapointed by her nice gift of a small bag of assorted nuts....this continued until it was finally my turn, being the youngest I had to wait until the very end and all eyes were on me as little Lesley gingerley fingered the shiny gold wrapping paper and beautiful silver ribbon festooned on my luxury festive package.
'No, n-n-no no NO!!!! it can't be, can it ?' I cried as I ripped the glittering material away to reveal a beautiful, shiny pair of black patent leather dancing slippers. Grinning from ear to ear I carefully slid them onto my feet and proceeded to dance a jubilant Pasa doble on the threadbare rug in front of the fireplace, the look on Mater's face was a real delight as she began to cry tears of pure joy and pride. Even in later years my brothers and sisters still made sickening allegations against my character, suggesting that there was always preferential treatment to me from Mater but that's fookin' nonsense and petty jealousy - she loved us all equally and would do anything to help us all, even if meant sacrificng everyone else's Xmas for my dancing dreams!
It was a strange sedate Xmas for some reason, I still don't really know why to this day but my siblings sobbed often and seemed quite tearful for most of the festive period but for me it was a complete dance based paradise. For dinner as we so poor we had to make do with a small turkey crown split between the 10 of us but Mater' being Mater' had managed to save up all year and had obtained a couple of special pork and leek sausages for me. I never asked how she managed it but the old trooper fookin' did.....to ensure that I was fit and nourished for my upcoming dance career!! I had my true wishes at last, my dream was coming true and my dancing trotters were begining to simmer, on that very day I promised to Mater' that one day soon I would take her away from the misery of my Fathers brutal regime, I had the power, nay the gift to harness the joyful dancing desire of my feet of flames!!!!
I won't deny that was a special bond between Mater' and myself, but being the youngest of the family it is only natural that there should be, I am not ashamed to say that to me Mater was a vision of beauty, a beacon of purity and innocence in an otherwise dark cynical world, my sacred dear Mater', I'll never forget you- yer proud fookin' beauty........'
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