Well loyal friends here is the final teaser from my authorized life story - "Feet of Flames".
Concentrating on the blissfully happy years from 1970-73, chapter 7 covers my first marriage to Glenda, continued ballroom success, amazing times spent with Mater' and my fondness for pork and all it's glories...so settle down with a large mug of suuugary tea and a nice wild boar sausage toastie and fookin' read on!
"I first met Glenda Sealey in August 1971, at the Mecca ballroom in Barrow in Furness. I was strictly off duty that fateful hot Friday night as I was recovering from a rather severe bout of gout in my ankle which had forced me to opt out of that years British championship in Blackpool. Anyway I was stood by the bar chatting idly to two of my dancing pals the effeminate Galton Linseed and the fleet footed Wilmot Singent when I spied a pretty maid sat by the dancefloor with her friend Valerie. After introducing ourselves we bought the girls a few drinks and before long old Wilmot had paired off with Val and I had snared the alluring young Glenda, poor old Galton was out of luck although he did leave for home later that night with a nice young chap called Mervyn!
After treating Glenda to a substantial pork roast supper at a local carvery what followed was a whirlwind romance of torrid proportions, I was well and truly smitten. Yes over the next few weeks Glenda and I spent every waking hour in each others company - we shared a common bond.....a love of dance and a lust for life itself. I introduced Glenda to the joys of pork and in return she showered me with love and devotion. After a quick courtship I knew the time had come to unite the two most important women in my life, Mater' and Glenda.
I remember clearly that fateful first meeting in the back parlour of the house I shared with Mater' in Rosemund street, Hinge had pulled out all the stops to welcome Glenda into the Sheepshanks family nest. Laying on lashings of sweet suuuugary tea, with some nice pork luncheon meat, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, and a nice selection of cakes including cream horns, chocolate eclairs, choux buns and Mater's favourite - a big chuffin buuuuutery Eccles cake, eeeh a real chuffin' treat I say!!! anyway I really thought that Mater' and Glenda would hit it off straight away but for some bizzare reason there seemed to be a frostiness and distance between the pair of them, what a dissapointment. Here I was with the two most precious people in my life and they wore unable to interact. Mater' was a classy lady who had dragged herself from the rat infested back streets of Barrow into a two time ballroom pairs champion but she had never forgotten her working class roots and so I really thought that she would embrace the pretty hardworking Glenda, but no it wasn't to be. After I wed Glenda six months later she would often claim that Mater' was jealous of her and she wanted me all for herself but that was pure twaddle! naturally myself and Mater' had a special, unique Mother and Son bond but she would never stand in the way of ol' Lesleys happiness......no way!
Anyhow undettered I vowed to marry Glenda in the belief that things would right themselves eventually and in time Mater' and Glenda would become truly great friends. I pulled out all the stops for our wedding and hired out the plush sir Harry Twigg-Chafe suite at the stately 4 star 'Hassocks hotel' in West Barrow, nothing was too much trouble for my precious one as we enjoyed a prime five course pork bonanza (devised by my great friend and best man master butcher and keen amateur cook Selwyn Corbett) including seasoned pigs kidneys wrapped in pork luncheon meat, on a bed of lettuce, sprinkled with some luscious bacon bits fried in pure pork fat and clarified buuuuuuuter, oooh fookin' beltin it were I tell you!!
I should have known that problems lay ahead at the wedding, when the registrar pondered the fateful question as too if anyone present had any objections to our sacred union Mater gingerley got to her feet and murmured something under her breath. My cousin Rupert later drunkily claimed that she had indeed muttered quietly that 'that little shrew Glenda won't get her mitts on my little tinkie poo Lester, no chuffin' way!!!!', anyhow the wedding went ahead and our vows were finally exchanged! yes British ballrooms most eligible bachelor had made an honest women of Glenda Sealey!
With the reception over Glenda and myself spent a wonderful three days honeymoon at my luxurious caravan in Bournemouth before returning to Barrow to move in with beloved meek Mater'. Initially everything seemed fine and blissful and after a brief fragile few weeks Glenda and Mater' began to finally bond and started to get on like a house on fire, Mater' even offered to help Glenda to re-decorate our marital love nest, and the two proud beauties would often spend hours scouring Barrow market for pork treats for ol' Twinkle toes!
As ever in old Lesleys life though tragedy was waiting just around the corner, we had only been married for four weeks when I recieved the hideous phone call at my 'Lester Sheepshanks Dance School' in downtown Barrow!!! Glenda had somehow mysteriously fallen from the top rung of a rickety step ladder at our home in Rosemund Street and died almost instantly, Mater' found her twitching body on the floor and boldly tried to recusitate the poor soul but alas it was too late and the lovely, thoughtful Glenda had gone to the the great ballroom in the sky.....
Years later awful, sinister allegations were cast by that foppish, lead footed, limp wristed twot Austin Lockett that Mater' had indeed pushed Glenda from the step ladder but that is evil nonsense, Mater' told me that she was downstairs making them both a pot of suuugary tea and a nice pork based platter at the time and I had no reason to doubt my silvery haired Mother, no this was a terrible freak accident and nothing else, the searing, red handlike marks around poor Glenda's porcelain neck proved to be from when dear Mater' pitifully and rather heroically tried to save Glenda after her awful, tragic fall, and the severe bruising and bloody cuts on her soft head where not inflicted by Mater's size 10 orthopaedic shoe as alleged by Lockett but by the fall onto one of my unfortunately placed dance trophies, no it was an awful bizzare household decorating tragedy and nothing else, but once again happiness eluded me.............."
Concentrating on the blissfully happy years from 1970-73, chapter 7 covers my first marriage to Glenda, continued ballroom success, amazing times spent with Mater' and my fondness for pork and all it's glories...so settle down with a large mug of suuugary tea and a nice wild boar sausage toastie and fookin' read on!
"I first met Glenda Sealey in August 1971, at the Mecca ballroom in Barrow in Furness. I was strictly off duty that fateful hot Friday night as I was recovering from a rather severe bout of gout in my ankle which had forced me to opt out of that years British championship in Blackpool. Anyway I was stood by the bar chatting idly to two of my dancing pals the effeminate Galton Linseed and the fleet footed Wilmot Singent when I spied a pretty maid sat by the dancefloor with her friend Valerie. After introducing ourselves we bought the girls a few drinks and before long old Wilmot had paired off with Val and I had snared the alluring young Glenda, poor old Galton was out of luck although he did leave for home later that night with a nice young chap called Mervyn!
After treating Glenda to a substantial pork roast supper at a local carvery what followed was a whirlwind romance of torrid proportions, I was well and truly smitten. Yes over the next few weeks Glenda and I spent every waking hour in each others company - we shared a common bond.....a love of dance and a lust for life itself. I introduced Glenda to the joys of pork and in return she showered me with love and devotion. After a quick courtship I knew the time had come to unite the two most important women in my life, Mater' and Glenda.
I remember clearly that fateful first meeting in the back parlour of the house I shared with Mater' in Rosemund street, Hinge had pulled out all the stops to welcome Glenda into the Sheepshanks family nest. Laying on lashings of sweet suuuugary tea, with some nice pork luncheon meat, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, and a nice selection of cakes including cream horns, chocolate eclairs, choux buns and Mater's favourite - a big chuffin buuuuutery Eccles cake, eeeh a real chuffin' treat I say!!! anyway I really thought that Mater' and Glenda would hit it off straight away but for some bizzare reason there seemed to be a frostiness and distance between the pair of them, what a dissapointment. Here I was with the two most precious people in my life and they wore unable to interact. Mater' was a classy lady who had dragged herself from the rat infested back streets of Barrow into a two time ballroom pairs champion but she had never forgotten her working class roots and so I really thought that she would embrace the pretty hardworking Glenda, but no it wasn't to be. After I wed Glenda six months later she would often claim that Mater' was jealous of her and she wanted me all for herself but that was pure twaddle! naturally myself and Mater' had a special, unique Mother and Son bond but she would never stand in the way of ol' Lesleys happiness......no way!
Anyhow undettered I vowed to marry Glenda in the belief that things would right themselves eventually and in time Mater' and Glenda would become truly great friends. I pulled out all the stops for our wedding and hired out the plush sir Harry Twigg-Chafe suite at the stately 4 star 'Hassocks hotel' in West Barrow, nothing was too much trouble for my precious one as we enjoyed a prime five course pork bonanza (devised by my great friend and best man master butcher and keen amateur cook Selwyn Corbett) including seasoned pigs kidneys wrapped in pork luncheon meat, on a bed of lettuce, sprinkled with some luscious bacon bits fried in pure pork fat and clarified buuuuuuuter, oooh fookin' beltin it were I tell you!!
I should have known that problems lay ahead at the wedding, when the registrar pondered the fateful question as too if anyone present had any objections to our sacred union Mater gingerley got to her feet and murmured something under her breath. My cousin Rupert later drunkily claimed that she had indeed muttered quietly that 'that little shrew Glenda won't get her mitts on my little tinkie poo Lester, no chuffin' way!!!!', anyhow the wedding went ahead and our vows were finally exchanged! yes British ballrooms most eligible bachelor had made an honest women of Glenda Sealey!
With the reception over Glenda and myself spent a wonderful three days honeymoon at my luxurious caravan in Bournemouth before returning to Barrow to move in with beloved meek Mater'. Initially everything seemed fine and blissful and after a brief fragile few weeks Glenda and Mater' began to finally bond and started to get on like a house on fire, Mater' even offered to help Glenda to re-decorate our marital love nest, and the two proud beauties would often spend hours scouring Barrow market for pork treats for ol' Twinkle toes!
As ever in old Lesleys life though tragedy was waiting just around the corner, we had only been married for four weeks when I recieved the hideous phone call at my 'Lester Sheepshanks Dance School' in downtown Barrow!!! Glenda had somehow mysteriously fallen from the top rung of a rickety step ladder at our home in Rosemund Street and died almost instantly, Mater' found her twitching body on the floor and boldly tried to recusitate the poor soul but alas it was too late and the lovely, thoughtful Glenda had gone to the the great ballroom in the sky.....
Years later awful, sinister allegations were cast by that foppish, lead footed, limp wristed twot Austin Lockett that Mater' had indeed pushed Glenda from the step ladder but that is evil nonsense, Mater' told me that she was downstairs making them both a pot of suuugary tea and a nice pork based platter at the time and I had no reason to doubt my silvery haired Mother, no this was a terrible freak accident and nothing else, the searing, red handlike marks around poor Glenda's porcelain neck proved to be from when dear Mater' pitifully and rather heroically tried to save Glenda after her awful, tragic fall, and the severe bruising and bloody cuts on her soft head where not inflicted by Mater's size 10 orthopaedic shoe as alleged by Lockett but by the fall onto one of my unfortunately placed dance trophies, no it was an awful bizzare household decorating tragedy and nothing else, but once again happiness eluded me.............."
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