After sitting through last nights "Strictly Come Dancing" I was astonished, nay fookin' bewildered by the Great British public's decision to axe "fleet footed BBC bit of fluff" Gabby Logan. OK Ms.Logan may be no Ethel Pokey let alone the legendary Mavis Fekkit but the way in which she was treated has left a sour taste in my mouth. As I sat on my chaise lounge' chomping through a rather tasty dish of 3 sumptious faggots (thanks Corbetts master butchers!!) a crescent of proccessed mushy peas and a fried duck egg sat in the middle I almost choked on a morsel of my delicious offal based meatball! How on earth the phone voters could chose the likes of the heavy footed Kate Garraway or former Queen Vic landlady Lettitia Dean over Gabby astounds me, whoever thought up this format should be rounded up and shot like a lame mare.....fookin' ell.
The style and grace with which Gabby performed last night was first class and speaking as a former grand master of ballroom I am flabbergasted, this morning speaking to my old dance partner Miss Gloria Munt at her retirement home even she agreed with me, sitting smiling vacantly and spilling her liquidised full English breakfast down the front of her green cardigan she told me that she could not believe the decision and that if she was 30 years younger (and indeed not deranged!!) she would whisk me down to the BBC's headquarters in London right there and then and we would perform a dance based political protest outside the BBC centre in support of Gabby.....shortly after the nurse admimistered Gloria's sedative medication I chuckled as she drifted away to sleep before I bade my farewell to the rundown "Spring Days" retirement home!!
Don't even get me started on the "Strictly..." judges, I was winning ballroom titles long before Craig Revel whats his name had even danced his 1st pasa doble! Bruno I have a lot of time for as I tutored him back in the late 1970's up at my masterclass in Blackpool, I indeed comforted him late night on more than one occasion as he wrestled over his heartbreakingly painful limpwristed indecisions...... I'm not so sure about old Len, he seems a nice cheeky bloke on TV but let me tell you having danced against him on numerous occasions in the 1960's I can vouch that he is as hard as they come and simply can't be trusted. I remember one time up in Darlington competing for the Northern counties Inter-challenge trophy, as if it was yesterday. It was the final dance off between myself and Mavis Fekkit and Len and his partner the leadfooted cockney harridan Rita Trout. Just as I was about to coax Mavis into a complex latin "Bonita Beuna gusset touch" manourevre the wily old Len could clearly be seen to lean forward and squirt a tube of toothpaste into our path causing me to slip awkwardly and spill Mavis onto the floor with a crash, needless to say Len had the last laugh as he and Rita carried off the trophy and poor old Mavis broke her ankle...the dirty fookin' rotter!!
The jury is still out on on Arlene, she certainly knows her stuff and her credentials can't really be questioned. Indeed our paths did cross back in the 1980's when she was working on Hot Gossip and I was touring my ill-fated stage show "Le Dance' Orthapedique" which in hindsight was a bad move, I was very depressed at the time and didn't realise that a dance and musical extravaganza based on Maters trusty NHS big shoe wouldn't really work, she seemed quite pleasant and friendly but that said she does seem a bit harsh to the contestants at times and really should encourage them more. If I was on the show I would be constructive and positive and not resort to petty sniping, I'm not fookin' bitter but it is common knowledge in the showbiz world that it was between Len and myself for the 4th judge's spot, I was overlooked merely because I was known for being outspoken and a dance trail blazer back in my competing days, I called a spade a spade and the fookin' BBC knew it!!!!!
That said I still enjoy the show occasionally, my money is on cheeky bald presenter Dom, believe me he is improving slowly week by week and if he continues to improve he could cause a few shocks!!!
The style and grace with which Gabby performed last night was first class and speaking as a former grand master of ballroom I am flabbergasted, this morning speaking to my old dance partner Miss Gloria Munt at her retirement home even she agreed with me, sitting smiling vacantly and spilling her liquidised full English breakfast down the front of her green cardigan she told me that she could not believe the decision and that if she was 30 years younger (and indeed not deranged!!) she would whisk me down to the BBC's headquarters in London right there and then and we would perform a dance based political protest outside the BBC centre in support of Gabby.....shortly after the nurse admimistered Gloria's sedative medication I chuckled as she drifted away to sleep before I bade my farewell to the rundown "Spring Days" retirement home!!
Don't even get me started on the "Strictly..." judges, I was winning ballroom titles long before Craig Revel whats his name had even danced his 1st pasa doble! Bruno I have a lot of time for as I tutored him back in the late 1970's up at my masterclass in Blackpool, I indeed comforted him late night on more than one occasion as he wrestled over his heartbreakingly painful limpwristed indecisions...... I'm not so sure about old Len, he seems a nice cheeky bloke on TV but let me tell you having danced against him on numerous occasions in the 1960's I can vouch that he is as hard as they come and simply can't be trusted. I remember one time up in Darlington competing for the Northern counties Inter-challenge trophy, as if it was yesterday. It was the final dance off between myself and Mavis Fekkit and Len and his partner the leadfooted cockney harridan Rita Trout. Just as I was about to coax Mavis into a complex latin "Bonita Beuna gusset touch" manourevre the wily old Len could clearly be seen to lean forward and squirt a tube of toothpaste into our path causing me to slip awkwardly and spill Mavis onto the floor with a crash, needless to say Len had the last laugh as he and Rita carried off the trophy and poor old Mavis broke her ankle...the dirty fookin' rotter!!
The jury is still out on on Arlene, she certainly knows her stuff and her credentials can't really be questioned. Indeed our paths did cross back in the 1980's when she was working on Hot Gossip and I was touring my ill-fated stage show "Le Dance' Orthapedique" which in hindsight was a bad move, I was very depressed at the time and didn't realise that a dance and musical extravaganza based on Maters trusty NHS big shoe wouldn't really work, she seemed quite pleasant and friendly but that said she does seem a bit harsh to the contestants at times and really should encourage them more. If I was on the show I would be constructive and positive and not resort to petty sniping, I'm not fookin' bitter but it is common knowledge in the showbiz world that it was between Len and myself for the 4th judge's spot, I was overlooked merely because I was known for being outspoken and a dance trail blazer back in my competing days, I called a spade a spade and the fookin' BBC knew it!!!!!
That said I still enjoy the show occasionally, my money is on cheeky bald presenter Dom, believe me he is improving slowly week by week and if he continues to improve he could cause a few shocks!!!
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