Hello everyone,
This week is "Barrow mental health week" so in keeping with the topical air of mild insanity I thought it appropriate to acknowledge the occasion with this revealing and still quite painful newspiece from the annals of the Sheepshanks vaults, read on folks and share the solemn and thankfully distant memory of my brief flirtation with mental health problems......
The following news story was published in the Barrow based local newspaper "The North West evening mail" back in July 2004:-
"A spokesman for the Barrow in Furness health trust this morning confirmed that local ballroom entertainer Lester Sheepshanks (CBE) was briefly treated at the delapidated, crumbling St.Augustines hospital sometime during the last few days. 'Sheepsy' (73) was admitted late Thursday evening after appearing to collapse at a press conference earlier in the day at the Four Seasons Tavern!!
Hospital spokesman Shackleton Dreyfuss said that Mr.Sheepshanks arrived accompanied by his manager Maurice Shoteley sometime around 11.30pm in a rather agitated, confused mood, after waiting in casualty for barely 7 minutes the veteran dancer demanded to be seen by a top 'White British born' doctor before mounting the reception desk and embarking on a rather clumsy and poorly executed Pasa-doble routine' - after being coaxed down by anxious hospital staff Sheepsy conducted a 3 minute rant that included the following incoherent statements - 'Mater oh why oh why did you leave me!?!?', 'Don't you fookin' know who I am? I'm Lester chuffin' Sheepshanks you bastids!?!?' and 'Lockett the fookin bastid it's all his doing!!!'
Mr.Sheepshanks was eventually examined by a physciatric doctor who confirmed that the one time British no 1 ballroom dancer was indeed suffering from huge mental and physical stress and after administering a course of sedatives recommended that old Sheepsy should stay in overnight to be closely monitered.
Sometime around 3.55am and totally against the hospitals wishes Mr.Sheepshanks discharged himself and after calling his close friend and confidante and esteemed local master pork butcher Mr.Selwyn Corbett left by taxi for his five bedroomed palatial luxury mock tudor home in South Barrow, eye witnesses say Sheepsy left the hospital building without his trousers and with what appeared to be a large fish in his left jacket pocket (possibly a turbot) whilst giggling nervously, salivating and occasionally slipping into a rather shambolic half baked foxtrot move!!!
It is believed that the veteran fading dancer spent Friday night at his Barrow home before leaving by car on Saturday morning to catch a flight to Spain where he has a luxury holiday home in a first class private holiday complex inhabitated by a string of violent former British criminals and top Z-list celeb's including Jim Bowen, 70's west country poet Pam Eyres and former Mr and Mrs host Derek Batey......'
Fookin hell folks!! it's really brought it all back to me you know, but with the right care and support my year of twisted pure hell thankfully ended soon after but now I really can empathise with the mentally retarded. These days when I even pass old Clive (pictured above) in Barrow precint with his ill fitting urine stained, crusty suit and his infamous drunken cries of "bastids, bastids where all fookin' bastids!!!" I no longer pass by giggling uncontrollably under my breath, nor do I chuckle cruelly at his borderline personality disorder no sir I offer him a fiver and some friendly advice before I head off back to my luxury 5 bedroom mini-mansion!!!! chuffin' ell folks I've truly been lucky and I honestly believe that without the best Harley street treatment money could buy I now too would be sat alongside poor old Clive in Barrow town centre in one of Mater's old ballroom gowns sitting in my own urine chewing on a half eaten prime Corbetts sausauge roll!!!
Till next time poeple please spare a thought for the unfortunate mentally ill amongst us........
Thanks,
Lester
