Well how are you doing fellow lovers of ballroom? The last few weeks have been fairly intense for me and no mistake - first things first though I simply have to share with you the amazing and truly fookin' bizzare contents of my lucid dream from last night! fookin' ell I knew I shouldn't have had that fat grilled prime pork chop smothered in industrial strength melted mature cheddar cheese before I retired to my slumber last night, what a chuffin' dream!
The dream all started innocently enough as I found myself sharing a cream horn or two and a large pot of strong tea with Mater' in my luxury caravan down in Bournemouth, suddenly without warning though dear old Hinge magically turned into the voluptuously saucy siren Linda Baron aka Nurse Gladys Emmanuelle from tv's Open all Hours! Eeh just as I was about to lose myself in Linda's heaving matronly bosom without any warning she turned back into sweet silvery haired Mater' who by now was unfortunately sitting in a small pool of her own pungent urine!!! fook knows what it all means!! I thought to myself - a top Harley street head shrinker would have a field day with that dream I tell you!
On a slightly more serious note though folks my ailing "Clements" are really playing me up at the moment and are bleeding quite sporadically so I'm due in for some pain relieving minor surgery on Tuesday but until then it's my trusty old rubber ring and a large industrial sized tube of Anusol all the way!!!!
Finally I'm delighted to announce the wonderful news on my latest stage project which will be hitting the provincial and seaside towns of Great Britain from April onwards!! see press release below:-
"MAURICE SHOTELEY PROMOTIONS IN CONJUNCTION WITH CORBETTS MASTER BUTCHERS ARE PROUD TO ANNOUNCE "A LIFE IN DANCE - AN AUDIENCE WITH LESTER SHEEPSHANKS" - AN EVENING OF PRIME CHAT, PRECIOUS MEMORIES, SIDE SPLITTINGLY HILARIOUS ANECTDOTES AND DANCE!!!! YES SPEND A FEW BLISSFUL HOURS IN THE COMPANY OF BRITAINS PREMIER (FORMER) BALLROOM DANCER.
BASK IN A HAZE OF SHOWBIZ DELIGHT AND BALLROOM AND LET OL' TWINKLETOE'S SHEEPSY TAKE YOU BY THE HAND AS YOU WANDER DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH HIS MANY MEMORIES AND AN IMPROMTU DANCE MASTERCLASS FROM THE OLD MASTER HIMSELF....
COMING SOON......................................"
